hmmm lets probably have a recap with my life now. i am not sure if i have mentioned it from my past entries that i was planning to study in australia, ok..well let's start the recap from there. after graduating from college, i decided to stand up for myself and told my parents that i no longer want to proceed the career in nursing. we had that usual long talk regarding with my career and we both decided that i could start a new career and study graphic design in australia. The thing was that the original plan after i graduate is that i will study here in australia to become a registered nurse. So instead of being a nurse i would be a graphic designer in australia.
after waiting for almost 3 months i received the news that my student visa was approved. It was a happy moment for a second but father changed his decision that i should continue my fucking career in nursing. that crushed me and my life. I know that my parents sacrificed a lot for me especially my dad. he even swallowed his pride to study again in australia just to make sure that when i get there, it would be much easier for me. thats the problem, i really really REALLY want to follow what i want BUT that would make me disobey my father and make all his sacrifices for me a waste. it hurts a lot inside that i have no say for my life, but i rather have this pain than to hurt my parents. you guys might not understand me but i chose to follow them even it breaks my heart.
so I'm back with my old self again. I am not sure on what direction to take cause everything seems to be unclear. i feel empty all the time. i even think of killing myself and end this fucking misery but i won't do that cause i'm afraid to go to hell. that might sound funny but seriously who wants to end up in hell? well not me. hmmm... being in this state again, i guess this makes me numb.
